Yesterday was a weird day for me. New term. Let me just explain the emotional rollercoaster ride I experienced yesterday. I woke up feeling tired but excited/ nervous. First block I felt like I had no friends. Though I did have some in that class. I just feel like they don't enjoy my presence. Second block I was so thrilled to see everyone! I was so outgoing, loud, and happy. During lunch I was pretty content, then turned into happy happy happy ^_^, but that soon ended once I entered third block. Third block KILLED me it really did. I just wanted to dismiss myself and cry in the bathroom. But I felt so trapped, like I couldn't say anything without being completely judged. And I cannot have the attention of all those kids I hate on me. I would just turn out badly. So I didn't say a single word that block. Fourth block was pretty alright for me, it's a class where I feel like I can relax without feeling judged, stressed, or shy.
That's another thing that gets me. I'm so uncomfortable with myself. I'm so shy. I hate meeting new people, unless I feel like I'm better than them (though that sounds horrible). I feel like everyone else has everything worked out. And I'm just the ugly ducking that has lost it's mother.
BAH loosing circulation in my hands, mwhaha. They're turning all purpley.
But as I was saying. I just feel like scum compared to everyone else my age. Though most of my friends aren't my age. And will soon be leaving me... :/ FML.
I'm such a drama queen too. :p Someone slap me, if I ever start sounding like a psycho around you.
That's another thing. I'm such a psychopath. Especially when it comes to guys. I crush on boys too easily, and always giving them too much slack. And then I act like a psycho and yell at them when they don't like me back. Why am I so stupid???????
"What doesn't destroy me, only makes me stronger."
-Friedrich Nietzsche
Poor Gab, you seem pretty pooped out. I understand what you mean though, like with you're afraid to meet new people unless you think you're better than them. Haha, I do agree that it sounds bad, but it's the truth: when you said it, I was like, "Yeah, I guess I know what she means." But you aren't scum, cheer up! :)
ReplyDeleteThanks Christie :)
ReplyDeleteGabriella! This is exactly how I feel sometimes. EXACTLY. When you feel like you're better than someone else, it's as if you have less to prove, and so the mistakes you make are on a different level than the mistakes another person makes. If that makes sense? Kind of like self-consciousness? I think a lot of people have this in common, but most wouldn't post it. So I give you Kudos for coming out and straight-up saying it! And I love you!
ReplyDelete<33 you guys.
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