720mg. OMEGA-3's FROM FLAXSEED.

LAST NIGHT: Around 2 or 3 I finally got out of bed and back on to the computer. I went onto Discountdance.com and found myself a nude leotard for performances coming up. I really didn't need it but at the time I was determined to get one. I played around on my computer, changed the layout and wallpaper. I discovered a lot of new tools too. It was fun.

TODAY: I woke up up later than I intended to. I sprung up once I saw that the clock read 11:07, I ran to the shower and hopped in. Around 10:47 my father and I got in the car and left, on our way to the Plains (for my dress rehearsal). Me not being that hungry, I skipped breakfast and lunch. By the way I think I'm too shy to act, because I absolutely HATE it. I'm being forced to act and I'll probably seem stupid. BUT, I was given another part to learn today :p grawrr. I don't mind too much though, and I look stupid in black jazz shoes. >:l It reminds me of a Peter Pan performance I was forced to do over the summer not too long ago. I was probably the ugliest Peter ever! I'm nervous about tomorrow though.... I hate messing up :p. On a lighter note, rehearsal finally ended and my dad came to pick me up, I drove to Weggies and picked up a Clif Bar & Odwalla Superfood Juice. While everyone stared at me the entire time because i was wearing nothing essentially, but I don't really care. Though I wasn't that hungry I finished both. 58 minutes until Maxine is hear to pick me up for bowling tonight with Olivia, Andrew, Tyler, and Drew. I haven't met Tyler or Drew yet, but I'm sure I won't have a problem with them. I don't really have problems with anyone. I hate arguing all the time. It really wears on a person. 

TONIGHT: Olivia, Maxing, Andy, Tyler, Drew, and I all hung out we went to Burger King, the Bowling Alley, the Warrenton Cemetery, and Taco Bell. Olivia and I got in a bit of a tussle, but all in all things worked out. That's what best friends do. :) Now Olivia, Maxx, and myself are sitting in my bed trying to plan New Year's Eve plans.

Can't sleep.

I sat in bed for about two hours tossing and turning.

I think I'm going to do some online shopping...

I got too much on my mind I guess. :)

<3

New Thoughts for a New Year.

New Year's Resolutions:

- Leave all the stress out of my life.

- Quit fearing the unknown.

- Not let the traps of society keep me down and blinded.

- Improve my dancing.

- Improve my grades 2nd term.

- Keep friends that make me happy, and leave the one that do otherwise.

- Learn how to express my feeling with words.

- Find a dance intensive that will help me grow more.

- Work on taking pictures that don't make me look like such an amateur.

- Possibly enlist in a photograph class at NOVA over the summer.

- Enjoy the rest of the year with my friends from the class of '09.

- Keep looking for someone that's right for me.

- Keep myself employed at Wegmans.

- Be healthier, quit eating like shit.

- Be friendly to everyone, and anyone.

- Keep a loving heart, and open mind.

- Spend more time with my family.

- Grow my hair all long as it'll go.

- Finally figure out what's wrong with my lips.

- Forgive enemies, it's not worth all the hassle to keep a grudge. 

- Convince myself that I AM beautiful inside and out.

- Recycle.

- Make new friends.

- Reverse gears on my vegetarianism. Quit eating fish, and eat chicken instead.

- Get my license in August as planned, and save up money for a car.

- Audition for a part in a play at  community theater, or a performance at school.

- Switch out of psychology, and into theatre 1 for term 2.

- Listen to the nice things people have to say about me.

- Drink more water.

- Stop abusing my precious body.

- 

Things just don't seem to make sense anymore.

The new year is right around the corner. I'm thinking of what my resolution should be? Now I just brought the computer too close to face, and is getting blurrier, but oh well my back hurts less this way.

Well miracles really do happen sometime, I finally picked up a book called, "How I Found Freedom in an Unfree World". I'm really liking it I have a little less than 100 pages left. It's made me come to realized that my life is filled with so many traps. Guilt, jealousy, envy, authority, obligations, commitments, promises, etc. You should do things that make YOU happy but in some instances people do things to make OTHER people happy in search of making themselves feel better that they've helped someone that they care/ or not care about. But as a result they don't feel better. Why take the time to do things you don't want to do? You're only given one life, make the best out of it. It would be such a shame to see someone throw away such a beautiful priceless thing. Never let one thing hold down/ take control of/ or be your life, wether it be a boyfriend, hobby, drugs, etc. Too much of one thing is never a good thing. I've come to realize that my life is a gift, it's such an amazing, beautiful, astonishing piece of work.

I don't believe in God, but I just prefer to keep myself away from religion. But however life came to be in the end we all die. *** I am personally scared shitless of dying. I'm afraid that I won't get to do all the things I've ever wanted to do. I don't want to run out of time. It scares me to know I'll watch the ones I love die, I just hope when the time comes I'll be ready.

I'm currently enrolled in ballet and partnering classes at The Virginia Civic Ballet. I'm so glad I have dance in my life again. I feel like I have direction, a purpose, a future. I'm thinking of majoring in Liberal/ Performing Arts. Too bad no college is going to accept me, my grades are so average. It gets me down, but I think I balance everything pretty well. On Wednesday I am performing with some other dancers at First Night in Warrenton. We are performing Scrooge. I hope I don't do too terribly bad. I haven't danced since like last year around this time. Hopefully Ajua will join up at the studio I am now at. She is wonderful.

Last night I hung out with Maxx, Andrew, Matt, and Harry. We all went to see "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button". I really enjoyed it, and I bet Billy will love it as well. I had fun I stayed the night at Maxx's house and we stayed up, talked, and eventually drifted asleep. We woke up and she took me to dance, my instructor was late the studio was closed. Maxine and I talked some more, and more, and more. Finally Cynthia showed up and we got to work. I feel like I'm going to forget all my choreography. :/ Darn.

I kind of wish I had a boyfriend, but then again it's a bit of a hassle. Kettle Run boys are stupid anyways. So I have no interest in any of them. I don't really have an interest in many people. Some are starting to catch my eye, but nothing to awesome.

Tuesday I am going cosmic bowling with Maxine after rehearsal. She's never been so we're going to change that. Maybe some other kid will come along, but it's alright if they don't

Saturday Christie came over, I really enjoy her presence. She is such a real person, she doesn't pretend to be someone else and I respect her for that.

I'm done now.

A lifestyle not fit for many of you.

I've made a lifestyle out of late nights that dawn into early mornings, hot teas and black coffee, grandma sweaters, leggings, attention, acoustic music and smooth jazz, procrastination, empty beer cans sprawled all over the place the next morning, waking up next to people that love me, finding a family that is thicker than blood, telling the truth more so than ever, scandal, outfits that just don't seem to make sense anymore, actions that never have the result I'm looking for, incomplete thoughts, poor grammar, average report card grades, dreading Madame's class every day of this term, oversized purses, wishes that never come true, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, boys that never pose the same interest in me, only allowing my mind to focus on one thing at a time, BIG 100.3, clothing that i will never wear and that will forever lay in my closet, envying everything and everyone, being too judgmental yet too loving and carefree also, forever trying to please everyone, wanting to give up on everything that challenges me, preying on the guys I know I can take advantage of, being a fucked up shit head, BTF, being able to seduce anything with legs, innocence, Olivia Louise Christopher, laughing about how my life should be a television series, burning CD's that I will only listen to once and then get bored with it, keeping my mean thoughts in my head for everyone's sake, wanting what I can't have, William Arzander Carmichael, being prepared for the moment where the entire world slips from under my feet once again, the fiery ball of anger that burns in my stomach every time you speak, wanting to cry because I haven't in so long, fearing my father, wondering who my mother thinks she's fooling, pretending like I know what I'm doing when half the time I'm blind to everything, trying to read minds, asking too blunt of questions, being shy when I shouldn't, hanging out with people way older than myself, listening to 80's pop, being overprotective of all of the boys she has ever liked, forgetting birthday and holiday presents, never having a boyfriend that I'm 100 percent confident about, hating all girls that are prettier than me, trying to think what a best friend would do and end up doing the complete opposite, being a spiteful bitch, not letting people walk all over me, dyslexia, fearing that one day i'll be a whale, wishing there was something after there life but I know there isn't, haircuts, bobby pins, dragons and butterflies, my third block lunch table with the people I love, mumbling in french class and getting yelled at, fooling about 98% of everyone, "Life's a bitch and then you die, so fuck the world and lets get high.", childhood games, ... tbc